Your Soulmate Isn’t Who You Think It Is

According to Mark Radcliffe, an English writer, broadcaster and musician, we should forget about the supermodel and love back the one who loves us even on our worst days.

We all imagine and fantasize about being truly, madly and deeply in love with someone. We ask ourselves what it will be like when we find the one. How would we know that he or she is the right? Is it true that we sense it deep down in ourselves? What it will feel like? What they will look like or sound like? What they will act like or even kiss like?

And from time to time we actually meet that particular person. There they are, so perfect, just like we’ve imagined! And so we decide to engage. We chase and pursue them. We are on our best behavior and do everything just to get a chance to fall in their hands like we’ve imagined for so long.

And sometimes we succeed! They give us their phone number and there it is – a date! And a second date. And sometimes we are together for a month or two!

But one day, it runs afoul. Everything that once seemed effortless becomes challenging and complex. The perfect conversations turn into fights more and more often. Nothing is new and exciting anymore. It’s hard work, now. And do we have time for that?

That’s the point when most of the relationships come to an unhappy end. It’s usually because one of the partners thinks that it should all be like in the fairytales – a constant magic.

But we don’t give up, and keep chasing them. We want the magic back. We try to repair all the holes and save this sinking ship. Should we change our personality? Modify our behavior? Adjust ourselves? In the end: this is love – it’s worth sacrificing for, right?

Unfortunately, the answer is NO! It’s definitely not, because the concept of love is terribly misunderstood lately. There is this horribly wrong idea that if it’s not hard – it’s not real.

It’s believed that true love or romance has to be earned. That we have to struggle, fight and lose ourselves in the process. We have to cry from time to time. We have to lose our faith once in a while just to barely regain it again.

They say that it’s not real if it comes easy.

I strongly believe that such interpretations of love are total nonsense.

I do think that love requires patience, work and forgiveness, but I don’t agree that it should involve constant damage-control.

If you notice that you should continuously fight tooth and nail in order to keep it afloat, then it’s not a relationship; it’s something that is doomed to an end.

Relationships, normally, are easy.

If they require a ton of time and work – it means that something’s probably wrong.

It is likely that:

  1. First of all, one (or both) are not mature enough person to even be in a relationship and they need to avoid relationships until they learn how to be perfectly happy on their own without anyone sustaining them. (Been there, done that.)
  2. Or one of the partners doesn’t have realistic expectations of what the other partner is supposed to provide them on a daily basis. (Been there, done that too.) In their opinion you should neglect and give up all of your dreams and concentrate only on them – constantly entertaining them and doing everything that they tell you to do.

This is not acceptable.

That’s why I say the following:

You shouldn’t be chasing the person you can barely keep next to you when you are doing really well.

Look for the person you can be happy and satisfied with when you are having a bad day, bad week or even a bad month.

Because those days will come, many, many times throughout the relationship.

And the person who tends to stay beside you when you are a superhero will leave the moment you finally turn into a mortal human being again.

So forget about the supermodel. Forget about your search for your own David Beckham or Jessica Alba. It might feel good for a few weeks, but they’d probably leave the moment you failed to be the symbol of perfection for more than 2 minutes in a row.

That perfect relationship with our Miss or Mister Right we’ve all dreamed of and hoped for isn’t going to survive the never-ending ordinary days that real life is loaded with.

Your Miss or Mister Right is most likely to be skillfully disguised as the one you work with every single day; or the one who is in your circle of friends for more than five years; someone who has seen all your successes and failures, and is still there, a great believer in your enormous potential. And if you’d just give him/her a chance, he/she might prove to be a great kisser too.

That’s the one who will convince you that real relationships are never hard.

So the next time you decide to search for the one, stop thinking about the shining supermodel from your fantasies. Wake up and look around. At the person you might have failed to notice. That quiet, kind and gentle person who is everything you need them to be and even more than that.

You just need to be present in the moment and take a deeper look.