Why can’t you forgive him?

Sometimes it becomes very difficult for us to forgive a person who has been so rude and cruel to us in the past. The past injuries are so deep that we cannot feel the present positive actions that he is trying to make to overcome the past situations.

Experts urge us to forgive someone as quickly as we can as we should try to forgive for the sake of our own health and happiness. But sometimes, this popular belief of forgiveness is not a choice we got to make. It’s something that tends to come naturally. Nobody can force us to forgive someone.

If you are physically and mentally injured by someone then what you need is compassion and understanding, not education about benefits of forgiveness.

The previous abuses and tortures of your partner can be so deep-rooted that you decline to forgive him anymore. No matter, at present his heart is full of apology and regret but you cannot forget the previous torturous, cruel and vindictive personality present in your partner. So, you deliberately repel yourself from the very thought of forgiving him. It is simply because if you are forgiving him, you are doing injustice to yourself.

The pain that your partner has given you and the sufferings that you have faced due to this is something which is irreparable. It has broken you both morally and physically. Even if you can heal your physical pain, but you can never heal the mental pain. Our heart is just like a piece of glass, if a crack appears to it then it remains forever and ever.

When we recollect the past lies, negligence, and manipulation of our partner we sometimes wonder that how can they be so cruel to us and how we have tolerated all such abuses and injustice from them whom we loved so dearly.

We were so blind in the love that every abuses and disrespect from our partner seemed to us as our misconception. Though sometimes we have felt that our partners were not a good person we were not mentally prepared to believe that. As such we just kept justifying our partners and blaming ourselves that we might be misinterpreting things. Sometimes we also felt that it might be our faults and not theirs. But we were wrong, it was not we but they were making false promises and fake excuses. We were fools to believe them and trust them although they were not at all trustworthy. All their abuses made us think that we were acting in a too far sensitive manner and infuriating them to act in such a manner. Actually, we were too good in our part that we failed to accept the bad of others.

But in course of time, we were able to unmask these hypocrites. Although it was too late then as they had completely ruined our self-confidence and sense of judging others. They left us completely shattered.  Somehow we have managed to recover ourselves from this trauma and regained back our self-confidence. And now we want to start and live in a different way. Completely different from the life that we have lived so far.

It is the crucial time for us as now we have to wake up from the nightmare that our so-called beloved has gifted us. We have to erase them completely from our mind and soul. We have to bid them ‘goodbye’ for our own benefit.

At first, they may not take our departure in a serious way as they believe that we are nothing without them and we would surely return back to them, but with the passage of time, they might feel our absence. But it would be too late then and we would never return to them anymore.  Maybe they would convince us in various ways so that we return back to him. But they can no longer convince us as we are now strong enough to say NO.

We no longer have any faith in them as we have clearly understood that they are just pretending to apologize. Even if they want us back in their life, it is not because they love us or miss us, they just consider us as a conquest which they have to win.

But they can no longer win our heart as they are the one who has broken it. And they can never get us back in their life to continue their torturous and cruel passion. Now we are bold enough to resist their humiliation and abuses. We will no longer be manipulated by their falsehood.  We know that even if they have changed but they can never erase the wounds and scars that they have left in our mind and soul. It is something which can never be deleted.

If we are severely tortured by someone both physically and mentally then we can never accept the fact that they have been transformed into a good human. Our previous pain and agony stop us to believe that and the very sight of that culprit make us furious and aggressive. The only way to get rid of this trauma is to operate that victim from our life. we can never forgive them so the best option is to forget them forever.

Forgiveness tends to happen naturally and most of us want to forgive people. Who wants to live in a state of pain over something that happened in the past? Perhaps nobody.  But if our physical injuries and mental bruises are prominent enough then we can never forgive the wrong-doer. So, it is better to forgive ourselves for not forgiving.