A man in his mid-forties makes a joke at work, saying: “I enjoy being a father – I have two lovely children… but my wife has 3!” The group might have moved on with their conversation and laugh but what the man said is actually not a joke but a very common situation where the husband instead of being a support for their wife, he behaves like a real child instead. By being left everything on them: to act as chef, teacher, chauffeur, maid, nurse and hundred other “professions”, moms often feel exhausted – especially if they have a job as well.
The problem is not in the kids but in your hubby!
Sad but true, many husbands can increase the stress level of their women more than the children do, regardless of the fact that motherhood is really demanding. Actually, a recent study involving more than 7,000 moms suggests that the average stress rate of a mom is 8.5 out of 10, and 46% of the moms claimed that their husbands have a greater effect on their stress level than their kids.
The researchers summed up the following:
Moms are stressed out mostly about not being able to do everything they planned during the day because of the lack of time.
3 out of 4 women claim that they do almost all household and parenting tasks.
1 out of 5 moms claims that her husband doesn’t help her enough and that’s what causes the major stress.
Moreover, yet another research found out that this stress leads to many health problems in the future, and is connected with the reason why one of the partner passes away earlier. When a husband loses his wife, his health often worsens, but when a woman loses her husband, she becomes healthier and appears to be better at dealing with depression and stress. According to the scientists this happens for one reason: husbands rely a lot more on their wives than vice versa.
How are the husbands stressing out their wives?
Husbands can do a lot more…
There is definitely much more the husbands are expected to do. Moms definitely suppose that their husbands should support the family equally by taking care of the kids, organizing doctor appointments, time for fun, checking the homework etc. However, it’s very common for the women to be left with all those responsibilities, even though both partners work full-time.
How To Fix It: If you think that you and your husband don’t have equal responsibilities, tell him! If it’s necessary you can even make a list together of all the things that need to be done during the day or the week and then try to apportion the responsibilities. You can even set the calendars on your phone to remind you when you have to do something, so in that way no one will forget their duties.
Wives can stop for a moment…
Every story has two sides. Most of the husbands really want to be seen as the best fathers or husbands in the world. Although women blame husbands for not doing anything around the house, most of the time the problem arises at the beginning of the marriage, when the woman simply wants to do everything and doesn’t trust her partner to give them more responsibilities.
How To Fix It: Women often have incredible visions for their loved ones. But if a man doesn’t do some task exactly as the woman visions it, the next time the woman feels that it is easier to do that same task by herself than to ask her partner again. Refuse the temptation. Don’t forget to take care for yourself and your own health. Take your time to recharge.
Nurture your relationship
When you become parents it is so easy to neglect your relationship with so many responsibilities around you. But relationships do not work in that way. You were partners before you were parents, and that’s how it should be. Taking care of your relationship, showing love and kindness will do wonders for both of you, not only in the short term but in the long run as well.
How To Fix It: Once a week do everything you can to reserve a certain amount of time only for you two: without kids, work or other distractions. The most important thing is to keep your relationship strong, this will do a lot in those awful days when you are so stressed out that you want to scream from the top of your lungs or hide in the bathroom with some sweets or chocolate. No doubt, everyone in your family will benefit from your strong and loving partnership.