How to spot an Abusive person before they start showing their true colours?

Abuse is not just physical but also emotional. Any kind of control, disrespect and hurtful words is abuse. One should not take emotional abuse lightly thinking that it’s not physical.

It is difficult to detect an abusive person because they often project an attractive, charming and polite persona on the outside to make the other person believe that they are genuinely nice and not abusive. One of the unfortunate things is that abusers thoughtful nature gives their victims, even more, a reason to take the blame. Also one should remember, that every abusive person is someone’s wife, husband, boss or coworker. So, read on to find the signs an abusive person shows so that you can spot them early and find appropriate ways to tackle them.

Abusers are just like regular people

Abusers seem like normal people and pretend that everything is normal when everything is not. However, they can be spotted if you come across a person who tries to blame others unjustly. Abusers generally blame others for their negativity and bad luck, they make themselves appear as victims.

So, the first sign you should look in a person is that they blame others. Therefore, if you come across a person who is constantly being negative and blaming someone else for his or her unfortunate luck and negativity, then you should investigate in the matter and try to find out if that person is actually having abusive tendencies.

Abusers target only one person in their life

Abusers choose to abuse only a particular person in their life and not everyone because if they abuse most of the people around them, someone might put an end to their abuse. Abusers now that they have to choose their victim very wisely. Mostly abusers abuse the people very close to them like their spouse, family member or even best friend.

Abusers are afraid of getting exposed that is why they do not abuse a lot of people around them, instead choose on an easy target who might not get away from them and suffer their abusiveness without uttering a single word. So, if you spot a colleague of your with red tears rimmed eyes on a regular basis or if your boss is torturing only you among all your peers, you should start inquiring about his/her behaviour and look for further clarifications.

Abusers abuse intermittently

Abusers are well aware of the fact that if they abuse their victims regularly and over and over again, then it is possible that the victims might seek outside intervention and might put the abuse to an end. That is the reason that abusers abuse in moderation to avoid detection. Abusers generally resort to gas lighting, manipulation and some to even physical violence. Also, one must remember that abusers generally blame the victims for their actions saying that they “were provoked” to do so or simply “had to “do these abusive actions.

If someone is abusing you mentally, emotionally and physically and even if it is not on a regular basis, then also you should look into the matter and look out for yourself.

Forced relationships

It is very easy for the abusers to victimize their partners and abuse them according to their will. Abusers are quick to form romantic relations wherever it is possible which bounds their partner in a relationship with them. An abuser does everything he can to force their partner/spouse to stay in the abusive language but if the victim escapes due to some miracle, then they start finding their next victim immediately and get into a relationship with her/him.

when a relationship has ended and there are no chances of getting it back, then the abuser expose themselves, finally admitting to what they are. It is very important for the victim to hear this so that he/she is not lured back into their trap months or years after the relationship has ended.

Abusers shout to abuse their victims

Abusers use their voice as a form of lethal weapon and often deepen their voice or shout at their victims. They communicate with their voice to convince their target that their opinion, recommendation and question is actually an order which their victim has to follow.

At first, it might be difficult to spot, but if a pattern is seen in voice moderations, then it is a clear sign of abusive behaviour. So, one should be well aware when an abuser tries to manipulate others in his life with his voice. Using his voice as a weapon is the speciality of an abuser.

Touching and Nudging

Abuse does not always include hitting, blood, bruises and fighting but abusive people also use other forms of mental and physical harassment. They often touch their victim on shoulders or try to hug them or try to firmly nudge them or squeeze their hand in a subtle yet firm manner to show them that they are in control.

These are very subtle signs but every important in spotting out the abuser and staying clear of them or exposing them.

Apologizing Nature

It may seem odd, but most of the abusers have a very apologizing nature and they are always asking for forgiveness for their behaviour.

It may seem like an odd spotting point, but if you come across a person who is apologizing for his actions on a regular basis, you need to look closely into his life for further clarification and indications of his nature.

Powerful Gestures

Abusers have very controlling eye-movements and facial gestures. They convince their victims just with their powerful gestures to make them do everything like they want them to do.

It is important to keep a close eye on the eye-movements and facial gestures of an abuser. Also, one must look out for patterns.

Relentless in Mature

Abusers are relentless in nature and they get what they want in the end. It is very similar to a small child asking relentlessly for a chocolate and constantly begging and crying for it. The repercussions to the relentlessness of an abuser are much higher and much is at the stake.

An abuser might not be abusive to everyone around them, but they must be abusive to someone if they have this kind of behaviours. One should understand this behaviour and if you are not the victim, help others to get out of a toxic relationship with an abuser.