“Forgive, forget. Bear with the faults of others as you would have them bear with yours.” – Phillips Brooks
Sometimes forgiving someone has nothing to do with the person who has hurt us. When we decide to forgive a certain person, we often do that for ourselves and our own peace of mind. According to Susie Moore, confident coach and columnist, “People have to realize that when they are mad with someone for a long period of time, it means that they are living in the past. When we decide to be fully present in today, at this moment, we forget about the past and the future. In that way nobody can make us feel bad.”
When we give our forgiveness to someone, it’s often because they’ve asked for forgiveness. But what happens if they never ask for forgivenes, if they never apologize? What then? So many people believe that people who don’t ask for forgiveness don’t even deserve it. So they keep carrying that pain and hurt with them. However, there is a way to forgive them even if they didn’t ask for it. And remember, we are not doing it just for them, but for our own good too.
IF YOU WANT TO LET GO AND FORGIVE SOMEONE WHO DIDN’T APOLOGIZE, JUST FOLLOW THE 6 STEPS BELOW
CONCENTRATE ON YOURSELF, NOT ON OTHERS
Forgiving is all about letting go of everything that the other person has done. The only way to do this is to change the focus from the other person onto yourself – in this way you enable yourself to heal from within and achieve peace of mind much easier.
“The moment you decide to offer forgiveness, you become free from all the anger and resentment that you feel for the person that has hurt you. It’s a choice to see the betrayal as a lesson, understand your part in it and carry on after you’ve dealt with all of your feelings,” says Dr. Amy Wood.
Holding the anger and hatred inside can ruin our souls, especially for those who didn’t ask for forgiveness. But, luckily, you are in control of yourself and you can come out of that horrible situation!
BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR FEELINGS
Other people can affect you as much as you allow them to do that. Even if their actions and words can have a great effect on us, we can still control our own feelings and behavior. The moment we decide to become responsible for the way we feel, we will stop blaming others for how we feel in that particular moment and start overcoming those negative feelings. When we realize that the other can hurt us only if we allow them, we will get rid of both the anger and hatred we feel for that person.
“Change the way you decide to see the power other people have over you and you will open the door to another brighter world that will make you shine from within. In that way you will immediately know how to forgive and let go of the past,” says Dr. Wayne W Dyer.
Every story has two sides. If you just try to see from the other person’s perspective, you may realize that they are not so wrong after all. We often can’t understand that we might be the provokers of their bad behavior. If you accept your responsibility for the other part of the story, you will enable yourself to let go of everything that the other person has said or done.
START LIVING IN THE PRESENT
When you are still mad about something that happened in the past, it means that you don’t live in the present. How many times your thoughts have come back to that bitter fight you had with someone who used to be your friend? Every time you go back to those past moments and every time you experience those emotions that have passed a long time ago, you are not living fully in the present and you are not concentrated on the things that need your attention right in that moment.
“According to some studies, people who hold onto anger and unforgiveness, suffer from long-term stress, which affects the function of their immune system, and makes their body susceptible to many diseases. Harmful thoughts are spiritual poisons that can lead to numerous health problems. Forgiveness enables you to set all the negative emotions free and find true acceptance, even when you are in the middle of trauma or chaos,” says Lori S. Rubenstein, JD, PCC.
DON’T FIND RESONS TO FEEL INSULTED
Some people deliberately search for reasons to be upset. Pretending to feel angry or mad sometimes feels good, and we’ve all been close to people who use this feeling too often. But pretending to be mad attracts so many negative feelings that are impossible to be met with an apology. Setting some of these feelings free and not letting yourself feel insulted or hurt by every little thing will enable you to offer forgiveness much easier.
TRY TO SEE THE POSITIVE THINGS
We are not saying that you should consider all the bad things to be good, but rather see all of the things (especially the bad ones) as lessons that have to be learned. Instead of filling your soul with hatred, ask yourself what you can learn from all those things.
“Forgiving won’t erase all the bad things that happened