How to Be Kind to Someone When You Don’t Agree

“Be good-hearted, don’t judge, and respect the other people. If we are all able to do this, the world would be a better place. We only need to teach this to the next generation.” – Jasmine Guinness

Throughout our whole life we encounter with so many different people that have different ideas, opinions, thoughts and life experiences. When all these things are combined together in one person, they form the way a person feels on a particular subject.
Since we also have our own thoughts, opinions, ideas, we often fail to agree with someone. This is totally fine as long as we know how to react in these situations. Sometimes if you want to avoid a conflict, the best thing you can do is leave. But what if you fundamentally disagree with some family member, lover or a friend? In that case you should practice being kind, although you ultimately don’t agree with them.

“Treating someone with kindness makes the other person treat other people with kindness too, the same goes with cruelty,” – Lew Bayer.



One reason for being unkind with people we disagree, is the fact that we are not listening to them. It’s like we’ve already decided in our mind what they would say or how they feel, which leads to closing our ears to what they actually want to say. If you want to keep the kindness, you should learn to listen carefully, without judging. This means trying to be open-minded. People who’ve learned to be open-minded, have discovered the path that leads to self-growth and positivity and are also considered to be more generous and kind.
Listen carefully to what they really want to say, not to what you think that they want to say. At the end, you may realize that you were misinterpreting everything they were saying.


If you don’t agree with someone and they speak with anger, how would you feel? Would you like to continue listening to them? You probably won’t. Instead of saying something mean, imagine how you would like to be treated by the other person you are talking to. Talk to them in the same way you would like to be spoken to. This will calm you and will help you to be kind.

Words can both connect and divide people. Your words are so powerful that they can stop a friendship from falling or they can cause a heart to brake. Always choose your words so that they offer support, encouragement, peacefulness and love. This practice will make you a better person. If you think before you speak you might even realize that you actually agree with the person you are talking to.


Don’t start a conversation with all the things you basically don’t agree with, and try to find some common ground that both of you agree on. This will help you concentrate on the things that you agree on rather than the things that you disagree on. If you can find a common ground it means that you can listen carefully to what the other person really want to say and that you value their opinions without tossing them right away. Once you find the thing that you agree on you can find that you agree on other things too.


If you don’t agree with some person who is close to you like a close friend or a family member, it can be easy for the negative feelings and emotions to overwhelm you. In this situation you should eliminate all the negative emotions you feel and concentrate on the positive instead. Thus, it is highly possible to feel affection and love towards a person that you strongly disagree with. You just need time and practice to be able to concentrate on the good, positive feelings instead of giving yourself up to negative ones.


Sometimes, learning when it is time to end the conversation is the kindest thing you can do. We are not saying that you should storm out of the room or ignore the other person. Instead, you need to learn when you’ve spent all your energy and nerves and you are not able to participate in the conversation in good faith. And that’s totally fine, we all have our limits! As soon as you learn to identify when enough is enough, you can postpone the conversation for another time when both of you feel calmed down rational to carry on.
Learning when it’s the right time to walk away can prevent your relationships from damaging.

To conclude

Disagreeing with someone doesn’t feel good, especially if that someone is your closest friend or a family member that you love with all your heart. Although we are not so powerful to make us have the exact opinions as our family and friends, we are powerful enough to control our reactions. We can always choose to respect their opinions and to have respect for people in general. This respect partly comes from the ability to be kind, even when you are in the middle of some disagreement. This will make your life and the life of your loved ones a lot easier.