At the beginning every relationship is normally sweet and the partners usually see through rose-colored glasses. There is always something that annoys the other partner but nobody admits it. In that way, both partners enjoy the beautiful sunset, until the night comes. When it does, nothing seems so rosy-colored anymore.
One of a sudden, nobody can see the compromise that was so easily reached in the past. Where is it? It’s probably hidden under all the arguments.
But does it suggest that the love is hidden somewhere too? Is the whole road ahead made out of mere tolerance, passive aggression and nothing more?
No! Although things look differently, according to the psychology experts, when the arguments start it suggests that the love has accomplished a new level.
Arguing is not related to the lack of love – on the contrary, it means that love between each other has risen!
Here Are 5 Reasons Why Arguing Makes Your Love Grow Stronger
Arguing signifies that both partners are comfortable
When couples nervously insult, offend and upset each other, it does not signify love. It signifies fear. It signifies that nobody wants to say anything because they are scared of the other person’s reaction. They are scared that if they say something the other person will leave.
When a couple has the first real argument it suggests that each person knows they can say their opinion out loud, and that it is just going to strengthen the relationship and not destroy it.
Indeed, things might get complicated and ugly. But, both partners are widely aware of their great love for each other, and don’t even think about ending the relationship just because of a few choice words.
Couples who argue have a tendency to be more passionate.
In psychology this term is known as ‘arousal transfer’. In other words, when a person gets excited by one stimulus, they can be much more easily excited by another.
Psychologists explain this phenomenon in this way: when there is a deep, arousing passion in a certain relationship (one stimulus), it is quite normal little irritations (other stimulus) to cause responses as intense as the first one.
Even more intense passion hides on the other side of that intense negative reaction.
Fair arguments are a proof that a couple really wants to solve their problems.
Dr. John Gottman claims that there are different types of couples.
There are couples who avoid conflicts and validating couples, who attempt (and fail) to keep absolute neutrality.
There are also hostile and volatile couples whose arguments are extremely emotional – but for a good reason. Both partners know that things aren’t as good as they should be. But they never think of giving up on their relationship. No, they love each other too much to do that.
Instead, they will do anything to change the situation they are in – even if it takes days or weeks of emotionally draining arguments.
Couples who argue find out more about each other’s personality.
When there is a lack of conflict, partners turn into ‘flat characters’. They are not three-dimensional and their real personality is neglected.
But then they start a fight and one of a sudden both partners realize that the person next to them has some real depths. There are some flaws that become noticeable during the conflict.
And of course, all those flaws which show that this person is real, serve like magnets. They attract both partners on a deep level.
Arguing is visceral just like love
Indeed, in all probability, intelligence has to do something with it.
Partners who never argue, probably have never got to that level of deep, visceral love. They are attracted to a good conversation and appearance.
But emotions and love grow together. As time goes by, things happen to be less logical and more intuitive.
When couples start to argue, it means they have come into a very raw and deep place, a place where love is in its bloom and all the arguments serve like water, to keep it alive.
And if you’ve just had an argument with your loved one, hurry up and earn some brownie points by sharing this article with them!